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If You’re Over 40…

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

Alright, this is for my friends age 40 and slightly beyond…

If you’re over 40 and still have a personalized license plate… you’re as stuck on yourself as you’ve ever been.  

If you’re over 40 and think it’s sexy to have hot pink thongs showing out the back of your jeans… you’re not ghettorific, you’re more like horrific. 
 
If you’re over 40 and still believe it’s fashionable to tie your hoodie around your waist… you’re so uncool. 
 
If you’re over 40 and wash your hair once a week because you want to be like Kid Rock… you are a punk.  
 
If you’re over 40 and are still into cruising… you need to find some new hobbies. 
 
If you’re over 40 and still aspire to break dance like Michael Jackson… read the last answer again.
  
If you’re over 40 and voted for Barack Obama… you obviously never stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. 
 
If you’re over 40 and still think it’s stylish to wear your collars up… you belong on the Love Boat. 
 
If you’re over 40 and think it’s normal to wear your tennis shoes with rolled up khakis… you definitely need to schedule an appointment with a wardrobe consultant. 
  
If you’re over 40 and listen to a steady diet of 80’s music… you have some issues you might want to see a counselor for. 
 
If you’re over 40 and think it makes you hip because you own a dvd player, cordless phone, iPod and a digital camera… you are so unhip. 
 
If you’re over 40 and consider a Quarter Pounder with no cheese part of a healthy diet… you haven’t read anything since you got out of school.   
  
If you’re over 40 and think it’s phat to talk like a teenager… you need to get a life. 
  
If you’re over 40 and still think O.J. is innocent… you need to go see the Wizard for a brain. 
 
If you’re over 40 and think Lady Gaga is a kids toy… you need to move that rock in front of your cave a little more often. 
 
If you’re over 40 and wear a bandana on occasion… well, there may be no hope for you. 
 
If you’re over 40 and have ever given a Chia Pet as a gift… you were never right to begin with. 
 
If you’re over 40 and still wear high tops to the club… it’s a miracle if you haven’t been kicked out yet. 
 
If you’re over 40 and watch Knight Rider re-runs… you probably would still have a perm if you had any hair left. 
 
If you’re over 40 and still go to the movies to make-out with your girlfriend… you obviously will never change. 
 
If you’re over 40 and have never stopped going to the roller rink to pick up chicks… you probably still have a comb in your back pocket.  
   
If you’re over 40 and still go to Chuck E Cheese for your birthday… you took that discovering your inner child book way too seriously.
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