Archive

Posts Tagged ‘fatherhood’

Thoughts on Forgotten Fathers for Mark Driscoll

June 21, 2010 Leave a comment

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

“Happy fathers day to the single moms pulling double duty.” ~Mark Driscoll on Twitter yesterday

As a single dad of three incredible children, let me offer a few short biased words here a day after Father’s Day…

Yes Mark, you make a great point, there are single mothers that warrant the praise. Hats off, and God bless all the mothers pulling double duty. Even you prove a politically correct pastor from time to time.

For starters Mark, I’ve been a raving fan of yours for just about four years now, and that won’t change, you live to proclaim the gospel when you aren’t making stupid public comments you ought to reserve for the pub. That said, yesterday was Fathers Day and you took the occasion to get in another blow, a right hook to the painfully exposed jaw of fathers not like you, fathers who can never be you. This is nothing new for you. If you didn’t get in all of your kudos to mothers on Mothers Day, you might pick another day other than yesterday to try and make it up.

Yesterday was Fathers Day in case you missed it, and taking shots at fathers you regularly use as punching bags might have been better done on another day. Even model dads like you need a day off. And besides, if you insist, pick on some guys in your own weight class to go toe to toe with, our brothers who are down and out have been hit enough and aren’t fair game.

Take it easy killer.

Mothers had their day last I checked, and it was a day they more than deserved—my wonderful mother, my priceless sister, and my hard-working ex-wife are all stellar mothers. I honor them this semi-overcast day and every other day of the year for that matter.

Just to be clear bro, I’m not asking you to fire bullets at single mothers.

However, to make Father’s Day into one more occasion to launch missiles at fathers who are missing in action (and this from a pastor who preaches and swears by the gospel of grace)–totally shameful I say. Clueless are those about the mission of mercy who can’t recognize it as a mission to include offering undeserved love to those you really have no clue about love. It’s super easy to reach out and support the victim Mark, but if you can’t love the perpetrator, you haven’t tasted, let alone begun to—share love. You’re a pre-schooler posing as a post-graduate. Time to go back to school maybe. It’s not our duty to make the guilty pay, it’s our privilage to let the guilty know he can be free.

You might try incorperating that thought into a tweet or two. 

Not only does your tweet come off as self-righteous Mark, but it was another missed opportunity on your part to share the gospel with men, women, and children—all of who so desperately need to hear it. Take your nine-iron out for dads who walk away, dads who say “See ya” and never send a post-card, dads who forget to attempt to be dads, somehow. Blast the dads who move to Cali and call 20 years later and have the nerve to act like they never did, dads who ask to be allowed to be dad like it’s nothing when they did nothing.

And for your information, cause I’m assuming you don’t know everything Mark, dads who fall behind on child support aren’t always dead-beats. And even those dads should be offered more from the pulpit.  

I find it a bit strange, odd, and even convenient that you’d never say as much about single fathers doing as much on the hallowed Sunday we call Mothers Day—or did you, and I missed it? Grow a set Mark. If you’re the awesome married dad you come off as, try giving God the credit for your success, it’s much more endearing than this habit of taking shots at guys you’d never end up becoming in a million years… so help you God. Do you realize that maybe you could have done more good in wishing deadbeat fathers a happy fathers day… fathers who love their kids—some of them even in prison—men who get no thank you’s from guys like you cause they aren’t in church, but if they were, would surely get a slice of your wrath. 

That’s right, some single fathers love their kids more than even their own mothers do. Fathers who get no call from their kids (I got a call from two of three of mine and a text from the other exhorting me to forget the past and look forward to God’s future for me this year, so hold your tongue in lashing out at me, please). Fathers who are so beat down by “good Christian people” it’s not even funny, trashed by single mothers posing as Mother Teresa—single mothers who exploit and dupe pastors like you. Single mothers who work the system, undermine and sabotage their ex-husbands, the fathers of their children.

As an aside Mark, if you’re trying to score brownie points with women with tweets like this, good luck. I’d venture to guess there are many woman who see through your bashing of men. Men who aren’t maybe as fortunate as you are to be at home with your kids and make oodles of money preaching and writing. Men who may not have had a wife near as cool as yours. 

If you’re going to take shots at dead beat single dads, maybe you ought to consider taking those same shots at dead beat single moms too. Many fathers have been forgotten and shoved aside by mothers who have no regard for fathers, all at the loss of the children who pay the price for such garbage. You might try to remember those fathers next Fathers Day, and the next time you think about mounting your horse.

Oh, and to your credit Mark, you did offer this tweet in addition, “Happy Fathers Day to all dads. Especially pastors and other dads who have to work today & can’t be with their kids which is pretty depressing.”

Well Mark, what’s depressing is this… that you don’t have it in you to call out the body as a whole to go as far as to acknowledge and embrace fathers who have messed up. Fathers who the world says have blown it. Fathers who are out of chances. Fathers who need the grace offered only in the gospel. Fathers who, yesterday, could have used a hug, not another reprimand from some hip pastor. Fathers longing for consolation rather than condemnation. Men who need to know that there is hope, forgiveness and redemption in Christ… and that, even for fathers not doing double duty. But it looks as if you were too busy remembering a holiday gone by, Mother’s Day, to do that Mark.

Fatherhood is a gift, and if a father blows it, men like you ought to be the first to stand up and call the rest of us out. It should be you who challenges us to forgive and restore these fathers. And yet, that might be tough for you Mark, seems you see fatherhood as a right and something you’ve earned by being such a good dad.

Your fascination with ultimate fighting is fine and dandy Mark, but your love affair with bashing failed single dads is another story. It might go over well with a good number of people, and get you much applause, but God might hold some other opinions other than you hold… he died for a thief on his deathbed come to think of it, and I’d venture to say he died for the very dads you continually like to make a habit out of beating up.

It must make you feel better I’m only guessing.

My question for you is this Mark: What about the dads who have done everything in their power to be by their kids and can’t be… what do you say about that and are there any 140 character answers you have to offer in that regard?

Spurgeon’s great Mark, and the gospel is scandalous. You have a handle on it. But until you can get this concept of cherishing those who aren’t as good as you, and even the despicable, your grip will remain loose.

You once admitted that grace is hard for you, and I will have to agree there. A question you never have raised to my knowledge and one that might be worth asking… how many single mothers chose the low road and should have chosen a higher one? Just asking… Mr. Has All The Answers.  

Grace is more than a concept or a topic for a book chapter Mark, it means actually extending it to those who don’t deserve it once in a while. It means that while the secret sins of your heart might not be public knowledge, they might work to soften you up when dealing with people you find it easier to whack over the head with a 2×4. 

You might try that next Father’s Day.

There are forgotten fathers Mark, fathers who matter. And you, of all people, should be the last man to forget these fathers.

Advertisements