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Weather Humor

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie.

If I did the weather, it’d turn out something like this…

How Time Heals

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

Henri Nouwen again, from a daily email I receive…

“Time heals,” people often say. This is not true when it means that we will eventually forget the wounds inflicted on us and be able to live on as if nothing happened. That is not really healing; it is simply ignoring reality. But when the expression “time heals” means that faithfulness in a difficult relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it. “Time heals” implies not passively waiting but actively working with our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Thoughts on Forgotten Fathers for Mark Driscoll

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

“Happy fathers day to the single moms pulling double duty.” ~Mark Driscoll on Twitter yesterday

As a single dad of three incredible children, let me offer a few short biased words here a day after Father’s Day…

Yes Mark, you make a great point, there are single mothers that warrant the praise. Hats off, and God bless all the mothers pulling double duty. Even you prove a politically correct pastor from time to time.

For starters Mark, I’ve been a raving fan of yours for just about four years now, and that won’t change, you live to proclaim the gospel when you aren’t making stupid public comments you ought to reserve for the pub. That said, yesterday was Fathers Day and you took the occasion to get in another blow, a right hook to the painfully exposed jaw of fathers not like you, fathers who can never be you. This is nothing new for you. If you didn’t get in all of your kudos to mothers on Mothers Day, you might pick another day other than yesterday to try and make it up.

Yesterday was Fathers Day in case you missed it, and taking shots at fathers you regularly use as punching bags might have been better done on another day. Even model dads like you need a day off. And besides, if you insist, pick on some guys in your own weight class to go toe to toe with, our brothers who are down and out have been hit enough and aren’t fair game.

Take it easy killer.

Mothers had their day last I checked, and it was a day they more than deserved—my wonderful mother, my priceless sister, and my hard-working ex-wife are all stellar mothers. I honor them this semi-overcast day and every other day of the year for that matter.

Just to be clear bro, I’m not asking you to fire bullets at single mothers.

However, to make Father’s Day into one more occasion to launch missiles at fathers who are missing in action (and this from a pastor who preaches and swears by the gospel of grace)–totally shameful I say. Clueless are those about the mission of mercy who can’t recognize it as a mission to include offering undeserved love to those you really have no clue about love. It’s super easy to reach out and support the victim Mark, but if you can’t love the perpetrator, you haven’t tasted, let alone begun to—share love. You’re a pre-schooler posing as a post-graduate. Time to go back to school maybe. It’s not our duty to make the guilty pay, it’s our privilage to let the guilty know he can be free.

You might try incorperating that thought into a tweet or two. 

Not only does your tweet come off as self-righteous Mark, but it was another missed opportunity on your part to share the gospel with men, women, and children—all of who so desperately need to hear it. Take your nine-iron out for dads who walk away, dads who say “See ya” and never send a post-card, dads who forget to attempt to be dads, somehow. Blast the dads who move to Cali and call 20 years later and have the nerve to act like they never did, dads who ask to be allowed to be dad like it’s nothing when they did nothing.

And for your information, cause I’m assuming you don’t know everything Mark, dads who fall behind on child support aren’t always dead-beats. And even those dads should be offered more from the pulpit.  

I find it a bit strange, odd, and even convenient that you’d never say as much about single fathers doing as much on the hallowed Sunday we call Mothers Day—or did you, and I missed it? Grow a set Mark. If you’re the awesome married dad you come off as, try giving God the credit for your success, it’s much more endearing than this habit of taking shots at guys you’d never end up becoming in a million years… so help you God. Do you realize that maybe you could have done more good in wishing deadbeat fathers a happy fathers day… fathers who love their kids—some of them even in prison—men who get no thank you’s from guys like you cause they aren’t in church, but if they were, would surely get a slice of your wrath. 

That’s right, some single fathers love their kids more than even their own mothers do. Fathers who get no call from their kids (I got a call from two of three of mine and a text from the other exhorting me to forget the past and look forward to God’s future for me this year, so hold your tongue in lashing out at me, please). Fathers who are so beat down by “good Christian people” it’s not even funny, trashed by single mothers posing as Mother Teresa—single mothers who exploit and dupe pastors like you. Single mothers who work the system, undermine and sabotage their ex-husbands, the fathers of their children.

As an aside Mark, if you’re trying to score brownie points with women with tweets like this, good luck. I’d venture to guess there are many woman who see through your bashing of men. Men who aren’t maybe as fortunate as you are to be at home with your kids and make oodles of money preaching and writing. Men who may not have had a wife near as cool as yours. 

If you’re going to take shots at dead beat single dads, maybe you ought to consider taking those same shots at dead beat single moms too. Many fathers have been forgotten and shoved aside by mothers who have no regard for fathers, all at the loss of the children who pay the price for such garbage. You might try to remember those fathers next Fathers Day, and the next time you think about mounting your horse.

Oh, and to your credit Mark, you did offer this tweet in addition, “Happy Fathers Day to all dads. Especially pastors and other dads who have to work today & can’t be with their kids which is pretty depressing.”

Well Mark, what’s depressing is this… that you don’t have it in you to call out the body as a whole to go as far as to acknowledge and embrace fathers who have messed up. Fathers who the world says have blown it. Fathers who are out of chances. Fathers who need the grace offered only in the gospel. Fathers who, yesterday, could have used a hug, not another reprimand from some hip pastor. Fathers longing for consolation rather than condemnation. Men who need to know that there is hope, forgiveness and redemption in Christ… and that, even for fathers not doing double duty. But it looks as if you were too busy remembering a holiday gone by, Mother’s Day, to do that Mark.

Fatherhood is a gift, and if a father blows it, men like you ought to be the first to stand up and call the rest of us out. It should be you who challenges us to forgive and restore these fathers. And yet, that might be tough for you Mark, seems you see fatherhood as a right and something you’ve earned by being such a good dad.

Your fascination with ultimate fighting is fine and dandy Mark, but your love affair with bashing failed single dads is another story. It might go over well with a good number of people, and get you much applause, but God might hold some other opinions other than you hold… he died for a thief on his deathbed come to think of it, and I’d venture to say he died for the very dads you continually like to make a habit out of beating up.

It must make you feel better I’m only guessing.

My question for you is this Mark: What about the dads who have done everything in their power to be by their kids and can’t be… what do you say about that and are there any 140 character answers you have to offer in that regard?

Spurgeon’s great Mark, and the gospel is scandalous. You have a handle on it. But until you can get this concept of cherishing those who aren’t as good as you, and even the despicable, your grip will remain loose.

You once admitted that grace is hard for you, and I will have to agree there. A question you never have raised to my knowledge and one that might be worth asking… how many single mothers chose the low road and should have chosen a higher one? Just asking… Mr. Has All The Answers.  

Grace is more than a concept or a topic for a book chapter Mark, it means actually extending it to those who don’t deserve it once in a while. It means that while the secret sins of your heart might not be public knowledge, they might work to soften you up when dealing with people you find it easier to whack over the head with a 2×4. 

You might try that next Father’s Day.

There are forgotten fathers Mark, fathers who matter. And you, of all people, should be the last man to forget these fathers.

Perfect Love

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

A follow up to my last post…

“Without the love of our parents, sisters, brothers, spouses, lovers, and friends, we cannot live. Without love we die. Still, for many people this love comes in a very broken and limited way. It can be tainted by power plays, jealousy, resentment, vindictiveness, and even abuse. No human love is the perfect love our hearts desire, and sometimes human love is so imperfect that we can hardly recognise it as love.

In order not to be destroyed by the wounds inflicted by that imperfect human love, we must trust that the source of all love is God’s unlimited, unconditional, perfect love, and that this love is not far away from us but is the gift of God’s Spirit dwelling within us.” ~Henri Nouwen

Lord—help us trust your love, help us love like you, and help us appreciate your love no matter who else loves us.

Love Can Bite You and Leave Teeth Marks

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, only more love.” ~Mother Teresa

 

I’ve spent over half of an average lifetime to get here and it isn’t quite where I had planned to be at the marker called my mid-life moment. That is, where I sit tonight staring at this computer monitor, writing once again. But I’ve learned more lessons than I’d anticipated, traveling the road to this street I’m parked on named Right Now.

  

I’ve learned that what you thought was love can turn up empty, and that the people you never guessed would love you can. I’ve learned that those you were sure as death and taxes would love you, are just as capable as anybody of failing to. I’ve learned that love is never devoid of risks, and love involves risk if anything.

 

Heartaches may not await the faint of heart when it comes to love, but the faint of heart inevitably die of a lonely one. 

 

I’ve also learned once again that while love can be deep, life is fragile and can turn on a dime. I’ve had my precious writer friend and new found mentor sucumb to his sudden bout with terminal cancer, my best buddy from high school hang himself after losing the fight of his life with depression, and a close comrade fall prey to a longstanding battle with infidelity and in turn found myself on the other end of the phone as I listened to his wife of 30 years weep tears of agony and sorrow in return. All this—within the last three months. Friends I have loved and hurts that have followed.

 

It’s these types of harsh and puzzling happenings that feed my fears and fuel my doubts about love. Because had I never loved, I wouldn’t have been hurt. And when I am hurt the questions surface.

 

C.S. Lewis writes, “To love is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket of coffin of your selfishness.  But in the casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.  The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

 

Lewis continues, “If a man is not uncalculating towards the earthly beloveds whom he has seen, he is none the more likely to be so towards God whom he has not.  We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering  hem to Him; throwing away all defensive armour.  If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this way in which they should break, so be it.”  

  

It’s safe to say that a life spent trying to protect oneself from being hurt will turn out to be a life which never knows the joy of what it is to love or to be loved. And you can take this to the bank—if you want a love that puts a spring in your step and makes your heart skip a beat it’ll never happen if you’re not willing to risk being hurt and love first.

 

Yes, love can bite you and leave teeth marks.

 

But only love can heal you.         

 

If You’re Over 40…

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

Alright, this is for my friends age 40 and slightly beyond…

If you’re over 40 and still have a personalized license plate… you’re as stuck on yourself as you’ve ever been.  

If you’re over 40 and think it’s sexy to have hot pink thongs showing out the back of your jeans… you’re not ghettorific, you’re more like horrific. 

 

If you’re over 40 and still believe it’s fashionable to tie your hoodie around your waist… you’re so uncool. 

 

If you’re over 40 and wash your hair once a week because you want to be like Kid Rock… you are a punk.  

 

If you’re over 40 and are still into cruising… you need to find some new hobbies. 

 

If you’re over 40 and still aspire to break dance like Michael Jackson… read the last answer again.

  

If you’re over 40 and voted for Barack Obama… you obviously never stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. 

 

If you’re over 40 and still think it’s stylish to wear your collars up… you belong on the Love Boat. 

 

If you’re over 40 and think it’s normal to wear your tennis shoes with rolled up khakis… you definitely need to schedule an appointment with a wardrobe consultant. 

  

If you’re over 40 and listen to a steady diet of 80’s music… you have some issues you might want to see a counselor for. 

 

If you’re over 40 and think it makes you hip because you own a dvd player, cordless phone, iPod and a digital camera… you are so unhip. 

 

If you’re over 40 and consider a Quarter Pounder with no cheese part of a healthy diet… you haven’t read anything since you got out of school.   

  

If you’re over 40 and think it’s phat to talk like a teenager… you need to get a life. 

  

If you’re over 40 and still think O.J. is innocent… you need to go see the Wizard for a brain. 

 

If you’re over 40 and think Lady Gaga is a kids toy… you need to move that rock in front of your cave a little more often. 

 

If you’re over 40 and wear a bandana on occasion… well, there may be no hope for you. 

 

If you’re over 40 and have ever given a Chia Pet as a gift… you were never right to begin with. 

 

If you’re over 40 and still wear high tops to the club… it’s a miracle if you haven’t been kicked out yet. 

 

If you’re over 40 and watch Knight Rider re-runs… you probably would still have a perm if you had any hair left. 

 

If you’re over 40 and still go to the movies to make-out with your girlfriend… you obviously will never change. 

 

If you’re over 40 and have never stopped going to the roller rink to pick up chicks… you probably still have a comb in your back pocket.  

   

If you’re over 40 and still go to Chuck E Cheese for your birthday… you took that discovering your inner child book way too seriously.

Pay No Attention to that Man Behind the Curtain

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

Doesn’t this sound eerily familiar to what is coming out of our nations capital these days when there’s even a hint of questioning in regards to the great and powerful evils of a huge out of control government? …a government that ignores the voice of the people and presumes it knows best.

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.” ~Thomas Jefferson

Fellow Pilgrims, Strugglers, Fighters, Saints and Sinners…

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie. 

Here’s an article for the ages which I have shared before but it’s more than worth sharing again. Must reading for any thinking Christian. It’s written by my friend Michael Spencer (aka imonk) who has recently been given 6-12 to live in his battle with cancer.

For fellow pilgrims, strugglers, fighters, saints and sinners…

From the iMonk Archives: When I Am Weak: Why we must embrace our brokenness and never be good Christians

Nouwen on True Intimacy

Hi, my name is Ken, and I’m a recovering self-help junkie.  

 

This makes all the sense in the world…   

 

“Human relationships easily become possessive. Our hearts so much desire to be loved that we are inclined to cling to the person who offers us love, affection, friendship, care, or support. Once we have seen or felt a hint of love, we want more of it. That explains why lovers so often bicker with each other. Lovers’ quarrels are quarrels between people who want more of each other than they are able or willing to give.

It is very hard for love not to become possessive because our hearts look for perfect love and no human being is capable of that. Only God can offer perfect love. Therefore, the art of loving includes the art of giving one another space. When we invade one another’s space and do not allow the other to be his or her own free person, we cause great suffering in our relationships. But when we give another space to move and share our gifts, true intimacy becomes possible.” ~Henri Nouwen

Lord—help us give one another space to move, and ourselves the same. May we experience the true intimacy only you can give.